April and Ryan are Gettin' Hitched

The Baer and I would like to take a moment to remind you that the wedding is coming up on Aug. 4, 2007. We can't stress the year enough, because we'd hate for any of you to do the opposite of what Dave Barclay did.

Barclay flew from Whales to Toronto for a friend's wedding, only to discover he was a year early, and now $1,015 short.

It was only when he had flown into Cardiff from Toronto, Canada, and rang the bridegroom seeking details of the venue that he discovered the wedding was in 2008.

"I am a year early -- yeah, my mates are loving it, aren't they," he told BBC Radio Wales.

My friend Darren once had a flight booked out of New York's JFK, got up, and drove to the airport in Newark. When confused airline workers finally figured out what happened, they got him on a flight to Detroit. The problem was, his return flight was to JFK -- and now his car was in New Jersey. He lived in Brooklyn at the time.

"I'm sure people do this all the time," he said.

"I don't think they do," I said. "You didn't just to go to the wrong airport, you went to the wrong STATE. It's like you had a flight out of Detroit and drove to Toledo."

"Shut up," he said.

I do think Mr. Barclay should get to go to A wedding, and I've got a solution. Steve Lavin used to coach basketball at UCLA. He's a very nice man, if not necessarily the best basketball coach ever. He's getting married Aug. 17. The plan was to have the wedding at a resort in Southern California.

However, The Los Angeles Times got hold of an e-mail that went to guests, and there's a problem.

"Unexpectedly we have received a stunning 95% RSVP on sent out wedding invitations. As a result, our wedding guest list has far exceeded the maximum capacity for a traditional ceremony and reception at The Montage Resort.

"After giving serious consideration to alternative plans we have decided the best option at this late stage is to head to Europe to create a magical wedding day."

They say they'll send everyone photos, but I think they should invite Mr. Barclay. He'll be back in Europe. Seems like a win-win.

The latest in the on-going saga of one man's attempt to find laughs in the planning process.

RYAN WHITE
The Oregonian Staff

Like Ryan Seacrest's success, or the fact that wheatgrass is good for you and SweeTarts aren't, the division of labor as it pertains to the planning of a wedding is not fair.

The bride-to-be is expected to do it all, and by "all," I mean: hall, catering, flowers, wardrobe (hers, plus requests to take care of mine), officiant, invitations and about two dozen things I probably don't even know about.

Unfair. Someone should look into that. Maybe do something about it.

Done in a flash (The Oregonian)

And, as a bonus, an on-line only treatise on The Bachelor Party.

RYAN WHITE
The Oregonian staff

LAS VEGAS -- Dogged for a day and a half by some stomach bug he'd dragged across the country, Gary had mapped his route back to perfect health. It was a plan hatched near the blackjack tables at Imperial Palace. Elvis was dealing cards.

Being that this was a bachelor party, and he was telling his plan to a bunch of drunk guys, it seemed like a brilliant plan. He was going to try to kill that stomach bug.

"With tequila," he said.

In hindsight ... he should have tried mescal. The worm (in bandoliers, armed with pistols) could have gone to war with the bug (being evil, it'd have a goatee) in an epic Godzilla-like battle to the death. Possibly Gary's.

Have you ever seen the desert sun rise over the Eiffel Tower? (Oregonlive.com)