April and Ryan are Gettin' Hitched

The latest in the on-going saga of one man's attempt to find laughs in the planning process.

RYAN WHITE
The Oregonian Staff

Like Ryan Seacrest's success, or the fact that wheatgrass is good for you and SweeTarts aren't, the division of labor as it pertains to the planning of a wedding is not fair.

The bride-to-be is expected to do it all, and by "all," I mean: hall, catering, flowers, wardrobe (hers, plus requests to take care of mine), officiant, invitations and about two dozen things I probably don't even know about.

Unfair. Someone should look into that. Maybe do something about it.

Done in a flash (The Oregonian)

And, as a bonus, an on-line only treatise on The Bachelor Party.

RYAN WHITE
The Oregonian staff

LAS VEGAS -- Dogged for a day and a half by some stomach bug he'd dragged across the country, Gary had mapped his route back to perfect health. It was a plan hatched near the blackjack tables at Imperial Palace. Elvis was dealing cards.

Being that this was a bachelor party, and he was telling his plan to a bunch of drunk guys, it seemed like a brilliant plan. He was going to try to kill that stomach bug.

"With tequila," he said.

In hindsight ... he should have tried mescal. The worm (in bandoliers, armed with pistols) could have gone to war with the bug (being evil, it'd have a goatee) in an epic Godzilla-like battle to the death. Possibly Gary's.

Have you ever seen the desert sun rise over the Eiffel Tower? (Oregonlive.com)